At the time I was recovering in the ICU at the hospital, at this time of year five years ago. I was on some immeasurable amount of sedatives and painkillers, and up until a few weeks before that time hallucinations were an everyday occurrance (spiders crawling up the walls, people having wings of various kinds and colors, etc.).
I was having a particularly menacing reaction while adjusting to being without one medication. An infinite, cold emptiness would envelop me during those times and my body would itch from underneath my skin. It was one of the worst tortures I’ve ever felt.
Through the one small window in that sterile, lifeless room (my one natural comfort as the hospital didn’t allow flowers) I could see the sun was setting outside. A singular flock of birds then started into the sky, but the strange thing was that they would simply loop around and come back within about 10 or 20 seconds. Sometimes the formation almost seemed to flutter as if it was its own lifeform. It continued coming back for what felt like 20 minutes or so. I was completely mesmerized, and for once my entire attention left from the suffering I was feeling.
To this day I have no idea if what I saw was real or imagined. If it was real, it was a comforting gift from the universe; if it was imagined, it was a gift from a part of me that felt the need to be strong for a moment. Whatever the case was, I don’t ever want to forget it.